Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.
– Wayne Dyer
We live in a judgemental world, of that there is little doubt. How easy it is just to sit back and pass judgement on others simply because they do not have the same orientation, religion, beliefs or worldview! We all do it, though we are loathe to admit our shallowness unless confronted, and then employing defense mechanisms to avoid judging ourselves.
I am definitely not an angel in that regard, especially when I am in a tense situation (often), or over-tired (just about as often). At those times it is incredibly hard (at least for me) to step outside and give myself a cuff upside the head. But a small part of me does take note for future reference; that is my commitment to growing as a human being.
When I was a young soldier, many moons ago, and stationed in Egypt, I had a ‘houseboy’ named Ali. Now Ali was no longer a ‘boy’ being perhaps 60 or 65 years old. But to many of my comrades Ali was “Hey You!” or “Hey Boy!” often accompanied by snapping fingers. In a word Ali was treated poorly.
As I worked shift at the time I came to spend more time than most with Ali, groggily sipping my coffee in the common area while he swept floors or mopped out the shower room. And we began to have long conversations about Egypt, before the wars and currently, about his family and dreams. And in those conversations I discovered that Ali had not always been a houseboy; rather had spent most of his working life as an interpreter for the British Army in Egypt! Ali spoke several languages and was in his own way and worldview quite brilliant. All of this while he emptied the ashtrays and collected empty beer cans!
Ali has stuck with me over the years, a quiet reminder of how valueless and cloistering judgement can be. And Ali has also taught me that the only way to get past our natural instinct to judge is through dialogue, and, as importantly, listening to others.
In my current job I am much older that my colleagues, many of them younger than my children. It can be quite humorous at times to be addressed as ‘Sir’, though I have to admit the acknowledgement does feel good. That deferment and sign of respect allows us to create an instant dialogue on everything from the intricacies of Bash to whether dead people get hungry (yes, it was a chat with a colleague that spurred the poem I recently posted). So we can add ‘respect’ to ‘dialogue’ and ‘listening’ in our anti-judgement toolbox.
So where am I going with this rather long-winded post?
Last night my wife sent me the picture you see at upper right here. It is a picture of my youngest son, Sam, competing in a city track meet. In life Sam is the poster child for judgement, being ASD or ‘on the spectrum’. I am sure it is a lonely life, being excluded from many social activities and difficult to create lifelong friendships. And I am sure people give us the side-eye when they see me guiding him across a busy street hand in hand. It is far too easy to judge people when they appear ‘different’ to you! And once you have passed judgement it is very hard to walk it back.
But here we have a young man, whom many see as different / disabled running in a race with neuro-typicals – and winning! Sam is an excellent runner, and loves to motor around the track or even better power through a cross-country course! But to those who never take the time to watch him run (sadly I was stuck at work at the time) they lose the opportunity to see an incredible ability.
And that will cloud their judgement…
(Photo courtesy of Sam’s teacher)